There was nothing John loved more than going to Gold’s Gym. He felt at home at the gym. All his buddies were there. Some would say he exercised his mouth more than his body, but this retired lawyer from upstate was determined to stay strong as his years crept up. He was in good shape. His hands sometimes felt a little achy after a game of tennis with the boys, but he felt good for the most part and valued his health.
One day, his usual stairmaster was replaced with a new kind of elliptical machine. He wasn’t one to shy away from a new activity, so he hopped on. He quickly figured out the electronic controls and felt accomplished as he went home and felt good. That night was a different story.
In the middle of the night he woke up suddenly. He had been restless for a while. His legs were kicking about. He thought “maybe I have that disease I’ve seen on TV about the kicky legs and need to take another drug for it.” Then it happened. He got out of bed to pee, and a sharp pain hit him in the ass like a lightning bolt. Oh my God! This is horrible!
The next day was worse. He felt scared and angry. He couldn’t even go to the gym. He could feel the pain traveling down the back of his leg. He googled it. Oh, Sciatica! I have Sciatica! He made an appointment with his doctor.
Two weeks later, after going to numerous doctors visits, getting scans, taking handfuls of pain medicine, muscle relaxers and special meds for his restless legs, he got the news. The reason he was in pain was a narrowing of the spine, and arthritis. Doctors explained that it often happens with getting older, that he would need to be on the medicines indefinitely, and that it may get better or worse with time. Surgery was not a good option for him. Not good news, to say the least.
For many months, he went on like this. Getting more grumpy by the day. He couldn’t go to the gym or play golf—retirement was beginning to feel like no fun at all. One of his gym buddies told him to go to the Hunter Massage Clinic. The friend said we’d helped him with his back pain and that it wasn’t like anything he the stuff he had done already like acupuncture, traditional massage, stretching, dry needling, steroids, and other things. He thought why not give it a try.
When he came in, I explained to him that we helped only with muscles. He started raising his voice and told me that his nerves and bones were the problem. “Is it muscle or nerve?!” he asked. I explained to him that muscle without nerve is like hamburger meat. That in reality nerves travel through muscles and when muscles contract they press on the nerve and cause pain. He seemed confused. It seemed too simple to him.
We listened to his whole story. Some things didn’t add up—like the fact he had no pain at all before that day before the new elliptical. Could it have been that he was leaning over in such a way that his muscles got scared, so they contracted? You know, there are nine muscles in the ass. When the head leans out in front, sometimes the ass goes “whoa! He is really leaning forward. I should support him by contracting and giving him support.”
Also, did the spinal canal just narrow overnight? Did the joints become arthritic in a matter of hours? No these conditions slowly progress over time. He had achy hands, but otherwise felt good before the incident.
When we did his posture analysis, his head jutted out in front of his body like it was stuck in a moment in time. I re-enacted his posture in my own body and felt my ass tightening up. Hmmm, that’s curious. I touched all the muscles that have to do with that posture. They were all very contracted.
I recommended our usual protocol: 5-10 treatments over a period of 2-3 weeks to feel significant relief. He agreed. We took photos of his posture and explained how the massages wouldn’t necessarily be relaxing, and that he would most likely feel worse before he felt better. He started treatments. It was up and down, but he felt changes for the first time. After the fifth visit he came in all smiles. I don’t feel that pain! You fixed my stenosis and sciatica and arthritis! We laughed. No, you still have that. We just helped your TIGHTASSICA.